Motherhood One Month In – What Does It Really Look Like?

What do you feel when you see Beyoncé’s twins introduction photo? What do you see?  Do you just see a beautifully styled photo and think “aww, a Mum and her babies”. Do you see a perfect image of motherhood? Does it make you feel jealous that you didn’t look like that one month after giving birth?  This post is about my thoughts on that photo and a reflection on my own experience.

The first things I thought when I saw the photo below were  “What cute babies!” and “Wow, she looks amazing” and then seeing it over and over again the media the last few days has got me thinking more about what this image means for mothers and what it portrays in terms of how far it is away from reality.  Yes she probably has a multitude of help, both with the babies and with all household tasks.  Is she doing the night feeds, the nappy changes?  Did she choose to share this photo because she wants to keep the public at a safe distance from her real private life?  Is it all about her image as a strong female public figure?  Or is it just trying to be arty?  She is a second time mum so in that way it’s not comparable to my experience at all but do most second time mums look like this after four weeks?

Sir Carter and Rumi 1 month today. 🙏🏽❤️👨🏽👩🏽👧🏽👶🏾👶🏾

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:10pm PDT

 

So what was I doing when my twins were one month old?  We had only been out of hospital two weeks. Matteo had waited until we were discharged to start his paternity leave so we could have the first two weeks at home before Christmas (and before his parents and sister arrived) as a new family of four.  I don’t remember much of it.  It was a haze of feeding, changing and very little sleep.  I was feeling completely overwhelmed as a first-time mum, still very anaemic (even after a blood transfusion) and was struggling to build up my milk supply.  I was also still trying to bond with my babies, struggling to come to terms with the loss of the birth experience I had wanted and the shock of being separated from them after the birth.  I was tired and very emotional, I now understand that I had mild postnatal depression.  I felt like my body had failed my babies and that’s why they had come early and had to be delivered by caesarean section.  I felt guilty that I wasn’t breastfeeding them fully and that I didn’t really love them yet.  It was supposed to be perfect (like the picture above) but instead I was in a thick fog which in the end took three months to clear.

I’m not saying that all mothers suffer from postnatal depression or low mood (one in ten new mothers do) but I feel like I wish I had been more prepared for the reality of becoming a parent.  It’s just so hard to imagine and I don’t think you can ever be fully prepared for the changes it brings to your life.  The relentless feeds, I was breastfeeding, topping up with formula and pumping, it seemed never ending, trying to look after myself to get my strength back.  We need more balanced truthful accounts and photos of life with newborn babies, not as to scare parents to be, but to give them more knowledge about what they might expect.  What got me through was the help and support I received both from the health professionals and from my family and friends.

I’m so grateful for all the help I had over those first three months.  Matteo woke up for every single feed in the night, even when he had gone back to work. My Mum stayed over many times to help in the night and helped around the house. Matteo’s parents and sister came for two weeks over Christmas and my friends and my neighbour came over, brought food, took the boys out or a walk so I could sleep, helped with feeds.  Matteo made sure that I didn’t spend a day on my own with the boys until they were three months old.  By that time I was beginning to feel a little bit more confident, that I could go out by myself with them and not feel completely overwhelmed and panicked about what to do if they started crying and I couldn’t hold them both at the same time.  I kept in touch with another new mum of twins I had met in hospital which was an amazing support in those first few months, knowing that someone else was having the exact same challenges as me.  I went out and met other new mums at baby groups so I could have some adult conversation and didn’t feel isolated.

The first two photos were taken just before the boys were one month old. The third photo a few days later and the photo below when they were around three months old.  I did spend most of my time propped up in bed feeding them, I don’t have any photos of me holding them anywhere else until a lot later on!

For me I think the Beyonce photo is a perfect example of the motherhood dream – the goddess mother in a garden with beautiful flowers and the tranquil sea in the background holds her sleeping babies, a sight to behold.  What was your reality?

 

The Siblings Project {September 17}

This time last month I was sending the boys off on their Italian/German adventure and now they’re back at school and it seems so long ago already.  Summer officially ends in a few days and the nights are drawing in.  We’ve literally only done one full week at school (the boys missed the first two days as we didn’t come back from Italy until last Friday.

We’re not back into routine at all and I’m not sure we will be for a while. I’ve been waking them up every morning and struggling to get them to calm down at bedtime. I think they’re over tired and have been having a crazy half hour just before bed every night.  I’ve just felt like a broken record, telling them over and over again to eat and get ready in a morning and then asking them to calm down and get ready for bed at night. They’re just not listening to us at all.  Oliver especially seems to be in his own little world most of the time and the only person he lets in is Ethan apart from when he wants cuddles at bedtime.

The boy’s had the most fantastic month, firstly with Matteo’s Mum & Dad and sister. They travelled to Germany and back and made some new friends.  They then travelled down to the seaside where we met them and enjoyed just over a week in the sunshine.  They loved going to the beach in the mornings and being by the pool in the afternoon although the pool water was so freezing we couldn’t get them to swim for long.  We pumped up their little boat and they enjoyed sitting in it and being pulled around.  They ate really well and tried new things like crab and rabbit and they also had afternoon naps so they could stay up a little later at night and play table football with Daddy.

These photos were taken on Wednesday 13th. We had just come home from school and they enjoyed sharing a pizza before I took them to karate.  Ethan has decided recently he doesn’t like cheese on pizza every time so he just had his as a Marinara with oregano.  We are loving this Crosta & Mollica pizza base at the moment as you can just add whatever toppings you like to it. Making them eat straight after school is hopefully going to work better for us on a Wednesday as by the time they get home from karate and have a pudding/snack and drink it’s almost 7pm and time a quick read of a book and bed.

Take a look back at August’s photos which I took at the airport here.

 

The Siblings Project {August 17}

We’re right in the middle of the summer holidays. I can’t believe how fast the first three weeks have gone and just like that I’ve waved the boys off at the airport today to spend the rest of their holidays in Italy.  They were so excited, Oliver was a bit more cuddly early this morning but absolutely fine when they left. I hope they will both be ok when Daddy comes home in a few days.  I’m more than ready to go and join them at the end of the month for a proper holiday!

The boys are so opinionated about their clothes now. I’m so glad they still love their rainbow colours. They had fun choosing all their t-shirts, shorts, pants and socks to put in their suitcases. Their backpacks are full of toys both cuddly and plastic!  I know they will have loads of fun with Nonni and Zia.

We’ve definitely enjoyed the summer so far. There have been play dates at friend’s houses, hours at various parks, film nights, a morning at gymnastics, two days at school holiday club, a full week at YMCA Camp and days out with Nana and Grandad including two epic bike rides. The boys are already brown before they even go away, they’ve had so much fresh air and exercise!

I think the most amazing thing about being siblings is that they always have each other. I think that’s one of the reasons they cope so well when they go to new places like camp.  They’re such good friends, great play mates. I was watching them at the park at the weekend and a lady commented on how lovely it was that they were playing so well together.  I’m so proud to get comments like that and to know that they are such happy boys.

That’s all for this month. This time next month the holidays will be over and we’ll be back into school routine, hopefully looking back with smiles at a brilliant summer.

To have a look back at July’s photos please click here.

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The Siblings Project {July 17}

It’s the middle of July! One more week and it’s the school holidays.  I can’t believe these two have just about finished their first year at school.  These last few weeks have been all about wearing shorts every day to school, sports day, time at the park, football on a Saturday morning and plenty of ice cream in the freezer.

The photos I’m sharing this month are from Monday 19th June. The boys had an inset day and it was so hot. They begged me all afternoon to set up the hose pipe so they could run back and forward through the spray and here are a few shots!  Imagine the sound of them screaming and laughing and then having to go in to get their goggles from the swimming bag!

The boys had great fun on Sports Day. I managed to get the time off work to go and watch.  The children did lots of little games in teams such as throwing the bean bag into the hoops and jumping over little hurdles.  Then they moved on to the more traditional sports day races such as the egg and spoon and sack race. The children were so funny, watching all the parents on the side when they were supposed to be looking forward and checking to make sure their eggs hadn’t fallen off!  Ethan won his running race and was very proud of himself. Oliver made me laugh so much, looking like he was so embarrassed to have me cheering him on!

The last two weeks have been a change to our usual routine with me starting a new job and doing the first part of my training full-time. The boys have coped really well with only minimal meltdowns because of tiredness, although it did happen two mornings in a row this week and all over socks!  They both had “class retreats” last week where the parents were invited to the classroom at the end of the day to hear them do a little bit of singing and show what they had been learning about.  I managed to get to Oliver’s but could’t get to Ethan’s which he was a bit upset about and made me have major Mum guilt but I’ve been to almost every other thing and as a working mum it’s so hard to be there for absolutely everything.  A good thing about these last two weeks is that Matteo has taken them to the childminder twice and has picked them up most days which he does’t normally do so that has made them very happy!

Four weeks to go and the boys will be ready to go to Italy but before that we have a final week at school and three weeks of school holidays including one week at camp.  I think we’re all looking forward to not having to rush to get ready and get out of the house on time every day.  Bring on the summer and let’s hope for some more good weather.

To look back at last month’s photos you can click here.

 

The Siblings Project {June 17}

The last few weeks have been jam packed for the boys. From class photos and a school trip to White Post farm to a full half term, including a day with Nana and Grandad, hair cuts, dentist visits, a day out with friends and our family trip to Legoland and then last week, Ethan’s surgery to have a raised mole removed.  I have quite a lot of different photos to share this month. I hope you enjoy looking through them and can tell they’ve had lots of fun together this month.

We’re just settling in to the last six weeks of term and then I can’t believe the boy’s first school year will be done.  It really has flown by.  The boys really enjoyed their school trip to White Post Farm just before half term.  We used to have annual passes and go almost every week so they know their way around.  The only problem was that Ethan’s class played inside and Oliver’s outside so even though they had a great time, Ethan was upset that he didn’t play on the trampoline.  He soon forgot about it though but only after he told us about four times!

We had a really fun half term.  On the Saturday we went to Rushcliffe Country Park for a few hours.  The boys call it big park because the playground is huge and there are about 8KM of footpaths/cycle tracks.  It’s the place we went to last summer to let them ride their bikes for the first time without stabilisers.  The weather was lovely but very windy and I was absolutely freezing watching the boys play!  They loved climbing on the massive climbing frame and going on the zip wire.  On the Sunday, it was my Birthday and we had a quiet day at home and a lovely family barbecue.  You can see our #meandmineproject photos from that day here.  On the Tuesday the boys were with my parents and they had a nice day out. Wednesday we had the busiest day.  We went to the bank, then the dentist, then back home for lunch, then for a haircut, to get new sandals and to the supermarket.

On Thursday we met some friends at Cresswell Crags.  The boys had a great time playing on the playground.  We had a picnic and then went for a walk around the lake.  Here is a photo of them sitting in front of the hyena in the visitor’s centre:

On the Friday and Saturday we went to Legoland. It was the first time for the boys going to a theme park and they absolutely loved it, especially the new Ninjago ride.  It was so lovely to see them having such fun.  The weather was amazing.  Oliver loved choosing some pick n mix lego pieces in the shop and they both bought a keyring and a Nexo Knights shield and sword. The first day they were asking me all day when we could go to the water park part.  We waited until later on so that we could go straight to the hotel and get properly washed and dry.  All the other kids were running around, splashing and going crazy and after all that fuss Ethan and Oliver just stood there getting wet and cold.  They only went down the smallest slide!!

After a crazy jump on the hotel beds they were so good at dinner, colouring and keeping themselves amused.

The day after we got back from Legoland we went to a local Open Farm Sunday at The Real Milk Company for a bit of fresh air and a walk.  The boys loved climbing on the hay bales, eating chocolate ice cream and trying out the tractors:

On Wednesday last week Ethan has his operation to have a mole removed on his face.  He was such a brave boy, I’m so proud of him.  I thought it would be awful having to starve him after an early breakfast but he was the first on the list.  Matteo took Oliver to school and then we headed to the hospital for midday.  Ethan went in to surgery at 1.30pm and was out again by 2.15.  He was a bit dizzy and nauseous when he came round but he fell back to sleep on Matteo for a little while and had something to eat when he woke up again.  I was picking up Oliver from school at this time, much to his dismay – his face when he saw it was me and not Daddy was a picture – I’ve never felt more loved!!  We went straight back to the hospital and Ethan was already ready to come home.  He went to school the next day and after school on Friday we took his bandage off.  He’s been ever so good and not complained of any pain.  He’s done PE this week and the only reason he didn’t do swimming the other day is that he’s got another mild chest infection and is on antibiotics again.

This Sunday we went for a walk in town.  The boys love catching the bus and sitting up on the top deck at the front.  We went to pick up some doughnuts and then to try out a new ice cream place that’s opened.  Again they went for chocolate but loved also trying Daddy’s caramel one!:

This last photo is one I shared yesterday on Instagram and Facebook.  I took it on my phone and I love it, they just look so grown up and yet still so little:

My two little school boys are nearing the end of their foundation year. I was thinking today how much they’ve grown, both physically and developmentally in the last 9 months. Also how glad I am that we made the decision to put them in separate classes. Oliver’s confidence is amazing compared to what it was last summer 😊👦👦I’ve had a little break from posting the last few days. It’s been nice to have a bit of distance from social media as sometimes it feels like it controls your life! P. S. They look like they’re holding hands here but they weren’t!

A post shared by Laura (@mummylauretta) on Jun 14, 2017 at 12:44pm PDT

 

As you can see we had a really busy month. To have a look back at last month please click here.

The Siblings Project {May 17}

The last four weeks has been about getting back to routine after Easter holidays and chicken pox.  Ethan got over it so fast, a few days with a temperature and then the rest was just waiting for this spots to dry up.

Last weekend we went to town, we went on the bus and met Matteo after he had finished his volunteering.  I said the boys could take some money from their money box as they had been given some by Matteo’s parents before they left.  Ethan spotted a Power Rangers scooter in TK Maxx so we said he could have it. There was only one but Oliver decided he wanted a Ninja Turtles one so the next day I found one on the Argos website, ordered it and we went to pick it up about an hour later.  We also got them new helmets as for a long while now Oliver has needed a new one because the velcro on the inside has completely worn out.  Ethan wanted a Batman helmet but when he tried it on in the shop it was too small for his wide head!  He was a bit upset but eventually decided he would have the same one as Oliver.

We had fun in town, eating pizza, then pancakes and ice cream and then getting the bus home.  They boys love sitting on the top deck right at the front so they can look out the window.

Last week I also took Ethan for another hospital appointment to check the raised mole on his cheek.  He’s now been referred to a plastic surgeon to discuss removing it as they think it will only continue to grow and he may keep catching it and making it bleed.

I’m only sharing one photo this month, it’s grainy because it was dark obviously but this just melts my heart.  it was taken a couple of weeks ago. I think Oliver fell asleep and then Ethan got in with him as they keep trying to fall asleep together but I just hear them talking and moving about and when I go up to check on them when it’s gone quiet they’re always back in their own beds.  They’ve been playing so well together recently with hardly any squabbling.  You know when you children are messing about when they should be in bed but you can’t bring yourself to tell them off and stop them because they’re so cute?!

They’ve been so excited about the sun and better weather. Ethan is obsessed with when he will be able to wear shorts and on Thursday last week they were able to wear them to school. It made them very happy but then so sad on Friday morning to have to wear trousers again because it was raining.

Let’s hope the next four weeks bring some more sunny weather as half term is coming up at the end of the month and we’re off to Legoland for two days. The boys keep asking how many days until we go, they can’t wait.

You can look back on our previous photos from:

April here

March here

February here

The Siblings Project {April 17}

The last four weeks have been eventful.  Ethan had yet another chest infection but at least he didn’t have to stay in hospital this time and only missed two days of school.  He managed to complete the last week of term and received a certificate for his writing on the last day.  I went to the Premier Assembly and is was so nice to see all the children getting up and being given recognition for their hard work that half term.

On the last day of term Oliver came home with a temperature and we noticed one or two spots on his skin. I had a feeling straight away it was Chicken Pox and I was right.  He had it quite bad, spots everywhere after the second day, even on his scalp.  We covered him in calamine lotion, aloe vera, did baths with oats and bicarbonate of soda.  On day four he finally no longer had a temperature and the spots looked like they were slowly drying out.

Today as I write this Ethan has just started with the Pox, he’s had a slight temperature but other than that has been ok.  He has about the same amount of spots as Oliver had but is coping really well and we’re keeping the itching at bay with calamine and Piriton.  Oliver still shows some signs as some of his bigger scabs have not come off yet but he’s back to his normal crazy energetic self!

It’s safe to say this first school year has been hard, testing us emotionally in terms of illnesses. Ethan will now have to miss another few days of school as the boys are due to go back on Tuesday.  At least Matteo’s parents are here so we don’t have to worry about childcare for the first two days and then if we need him on Thursday when they go home, my Dad will come over and stay with Ethan.

The worst bit of this month has been not being able to go out more with the boys during their school holiday although in a way it’s good that Oliver didn’t have to miss any school and I feel we have had a proper rest.

These photos were taken on the 4th of this month, day 4 of Oliver’s Pox.  He stayed in his pyjamas all day that day and the day after.  He just wanted to be comfy.

Here’s hoping that’s it now for illness this year but we’ve said it before and look what’s been thrown at us, I just want them to have a great Spring term and enjoy their last weeks as the littlest ones in school.

Have a look back at January’s photos here, February’s photos here and January’s photos here.

The Siblings Project {March 17}

These months are certainly coming round fast this year.  I can’t believe it’s already time for another Siblings Project post. Spring is nearly here and hopefully the weather is going to improve in the coming weeks.

This month we’ve had some fairly quiet weekends. The boys have enjoyed playing Sonic and Lego Batman on the Playstation as a Saturday afternoon treat.

I took Ethan for a hospital appointment last week to check about one of the moles on his cheek that has changed and grown over the last six months.  What we thought was a mole is actually a small collection of blood vessels that have become raised and it is just a coincidence that this has happened in the same place as his new mole.  We’re trying some ointment on it to see if it reduces and will go back in eight weeks to discuss how we should proceed.

For World Book day the boys didn’t have to dress up, which actually I was glad about and I don’t think they felt they missed out.  They had to take in a favourite book to school to take part in a Readathon.  We also had our second Parent’s evening last week.  I was so proud to hear how well they are doing and it sounds like they are growing in confidence.  They just need to work on some letter sounds and their writing so that by the end of the year they can write very simple sentences.  It was great to see some of the work they have been doing. Recently Oliver was asked to say a list of things he would take to the moon and it was so cute to see that Ethan was number one on the list!

This month’s photos were taken on Saturday after the boys went to Football practice. They were supposed to be getting changed but as Ollie is still obsessed with the Talking Tom Gold Run game, he had to have a go before lunch.

If you want to look back at what the boys got up to in February click here.

 

The Siblings Project {February 17}

It’s the second Siblings Project of the year and this month I’m sharing some shots from Sunday afternoon at my Mum & Dad’s house. We went for lunch and to drop off the boys for two days as it’s Half Term and both myself and Matteo are working Monday and Tuesday.

The last few weeks have had their ups and downs.  Two weeks ago Ethan was poorly again, another chest infection, another night in hospital and another round of antibiotics.  He missed another week of school too.  As there has been so much going round lately, including sickness bugs at school the teachers weren’t worried about us keeping him off all week as he probably could have gone back on the Friday.  The boys are in separate classes at school but still spend some time during the day playing together.  Oliver was a bit quiet and subdued that week but seemed to cope fine without Ethan.  In a way it’s good for him and the separation in general over last term and the the last six weeks has really helped with his confidence as I feel sorry for him sometimes as it can seem that he spends a lot of time in Ethan’s shadow.

I love to watch the boy’s bond and this month they have a new game in the bath – blowing raspberries on each other’s tummies to see if they can make the other one laugh.  it’s very cute to watch!  They also love wrestling and play fighting with each other, mostly on the lounge or our bed.  Generally they have been getting on well apart from the odd quarrel over the tablet.

At Nana and Grandad’s they also created a new game which consists of jumping over the other person who is rolling.  Here are two action shots!:

So here’s hoping for a lovely relaxing Half Term.  The boys are having some surprise outings with Nana and Grandad and then we’re going to have a haircut, going to the GP for Ethan’s follow-up appointment and meeting some friends but apart from that I hope we can just have some time-out from the school routine so we can regain some energy for the next six weeks.

You can see what they got up to last month here.

 

The Siblings Project {January 17}

I’ve been using the Siblings Project hashtag for quite a while on Instagram so I’m really excited to be starting our own photo project on this blog to celebrate our boy’s relationship. The twin bond is the most amazing thing to watch.  They’re inseparable, best friends, best brothers, they make each other laugh but they annoy each other too like other siblings do. These two just seem to get closer and closer.  For example, on Thursday I took Ethan for a hospital appointment. We took Oliver to the school gate and before I could even say bye to him, Ethan had grabbed him round the neck to cuddle him and gave him a kiss on the cheek saying “Bye Ollie, see you later!”

 

Don’t get me wrong, they have their moments but they just play so well together now, most of the time they share, they role-play, they cuddle.  It took so long for it to be like this, there was the biting stage and the hitting stage, I couldn’t leave them alone for even a minute, I never got anything done, I felt like the referee all the time.  I used to say they couldn’t live with each other but they couldn’t live without each other.  Now there is the odd scuffle most days but then the next second, they’re play fighting or asking each other things!  I think the fact that they are separated for part of the day at school means they miss each other and so they’re happy to see each other at the end of the day.

 

 

These photos were taken over an afternoon and evening last weekend.  We went to the park with their bikes and stayed for an hour in the playground.  In the evening I made pizza and we ate on the sofa as a treat and watched a Disney film.  They then had their usual “mad half hour” after dinner of play fighting and playing babies on the sofa.  They made a total mess but even though I was despairing of having to tidy the throws once again, I just couldn’t bring myself to stop them because they make me laugh!

I’m looking forward to sharing these monthly photos of our boys.  Hopefully it will be something that they will enjoy looking back at in the future.

I’m linking up with Lucy, Katie, Carie, Keri-Anne, Donna, Natalie and Amber so head over to their sites to have a look at their monthly siblings photos too.